My Longest Comment Ever
April 20, 2026Wanted to post something stupid for 4/20 day, and then i remembered the longest comment i've ever made. It was from "Tom Scott Out Of Context". Enjoy, i guess.
I FOUND THE CONTEXT! So basically... Tom Scott is supposed to be ready for something, but doesn't prepare himself in time. He is then thrust into a body of water before he can even react. The second he comes out, he has a revelation after his near death experience, on the most efficient method of gaining money possible, regardless of reputation. He then gets that money, starts trying to discredit the people giving him drama for his actions, gets called out, has to apologise to his mother, and reflects thinking about how sometimes, it's okay to cause a little bit of drama. After the fact after finding some new passions, he goes on a journey to the birth place of humanity's worst nuclear accident, bringing a banana for the sake of measuring. After studying the wreck, he learns everything about physical violence, mental competition, deliberate disruption of thought processes, and even how people place themselves into peril. With that info, he goes on a crusade to correct all the incorrect people browsing on the internet, and clears out a massive field of people who were just flat out wrong, regaining his once destroyed fame, and giving him time to celebrate, albeit going in the completely incorrect direction. However, this brings the attention of an evil squadron of killer Tesco Medium Sliced Stay Fresh Wholemeal Bread, who vow to kill him with lasers, causing the nearby wildlife to set alight. Tom gets so scared that he runs off and tries to hide his identity by starting a reaction channel where nobody will even know who he is. Naturally, bruh. This cycle gives him a selection of nasty diseases and unpleasant concepts, with one of the twilight movies shipping to his door to add insult to injury. He tries to visit a friend and plays speed jenga to distract him from all of this, but that only mounts onto the already over the top pressure. So naturally, as an attempt to distract it from him once again, he blasts himself with hurricane force air, bringing him on an "exponential curve", and letting him free his mind from the diseases. Afterwards, for the sake of his desires to make a gay romance story, he sneaks into a 17th century building and crafts a nuclear reactor, seemingly ignoring the advice from the wreck he witnessed beforehand. What makes this is even worse is that it was just miles from the center of london, and that caused for some weird things to happen in the temple itself. After intaking so much radiation, it causes him to string multiple rhymes together for the sake of entertainment through all the pain, reflecting on how has not done enough with his life in the process. So he tries to explain the story of tim burner, only to get pestered with ads so much that he has to leave the building. You may think it's because of the ads, but remember, he's still radioactive. He then gets a message from someone. He then vocally proclaims how he has a distaste for them, as his phone then proceeds to send it. In his own distraction, he then runs straight into a lamp post. This causes him to quit speaking for the next week. Or at least he would have, but he lied about it, only speaking again a day later. He then goes on a journey to visit water world low resolution world wibbly wobbly world, and basingstoke. The magnitude of these events causes pans and tins to fall from the sky, making a "bad dum, tss." sound. Tom then reflects on how his methods of giving to the few with his investigations isn't so handy for the many, and contemplates stopping doing things alltogether. Coming to grips with how he is okay with all of it, and accepts it. Right after getting hit by a bus. After doing this he puts his hands in some goo to heal this of, and to celebrate he goes to a bridge and vapes for the first time, only to realise he hates vaping with a burning passion. After being woken up by this, he then realises that he has a bomb. What does he do? He shoots a laser, uses the force like kylo ren, and shocks the bomb using it for the sake of disarming it, which worked. To celebrate, he flew a kite in a public place. After realising this was illegal, he opened his swear jar and went nuts, filling it in seconds. After doing this, he then takes all of the info he has learned so far, brings it all back to cremation, and learns how to control people's emotions to keep them calm and not stress over the state of the world. After acrewing so much money from these ridiculous journeys, he then buys a bottle of frozen urine, bought fresh off the gouverment for $983. The wackiniess of this makes him go "avuh aruh, avuh aruh", which he then realises is essentially baby talk, and stops. even repeating "woah" over and and over in his shock. He then gets an idea. Bread. Bacon. And a blowtorch. What will they allow him to do? Fund his trip to asbestos land, where he has a blast! After such an amazing stay, he then turns on his over and cooks his hand in joy, and then buys a leaf blower with the excess money for the sake of showing off. He then create as comprehensive list on the best things ever made, being in shock over gravity DESTROYING hugs in the vote. After that, he then starts having another burst of exponential dread, seeing entire persona as fictonal, unconsitutional, worse than a burning lamp and worst of all, forbidden from human speech. In his depression, he then breaks down over the passage of time. Then going on another journey to quell his mind becoming a commentator. While this job was short lived, it did still help in assisting in mental health, even learning anglo saxon swearing in the process, which is actually forbidden by the british government. He then uses it anyway to make fun of them, revelling on how they don't find it funny. he then yells "THAT WAS LEGAL!", and they all forget about it, even the server. He then discovers a tree, being perplexed on it's lack of a wikipedia article. In rage, he joins a sand mafia hoping to get some answers, but the force him into making an animation channel with sponsors for demonic creatures instead. Naturally, this job didn't last long. He then reflects on sex and smiting's, and from this info learns about the crazy opinions of the irish (somehow), which even spread a little bit to the welsh. To make matters even more complicated, he is british, so he just forgets about it. He then thinks he hasn't done enough crimes, vising a 3000 year old piece of art, smashing it with a hammer. After tetting a scale of how good it is, he then goes home to cut a pineapple, reflecting on how much of a bloody terrible knife it is. Seems that sending bread loaves to kill him wasn't the only devious deed that tesco had done to our protagonist. He is then so shocked at the idea of tesco doing something bad that it melts his face. He is no stranger to this however, thanks in part to the radiation. He then realises, even after all of these journeys of his, the microphone isn't even plugged in. Such knowledge of this fact gets him contact with Former UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon. He is then so delighted by this that he nicks a toaster from next door to test how long it takes to toast compared to his home toasters. And after this mind opening experience, he learns that there is someone out there who can't STAND pipe organs. He then after so many reflective experiences, looks back at everything he has done, thinking about how he may have potentially influenced so many, but in reality all he did was add to the radioactivity that history already had planned, but postponed. He then trips over after realising this blasphemous act of his, crying in the fact he made the world a worse place, and takes his sunglasses off in reflection once more. He then thinks to himself, after remembering what they did to the giant goat, that he is more so fit for explosives and destruction rather than having civil conversations with people, damaging the same land that the Tesco Medium Sliced Stay Fresh Wholemeal Bread already set alight, seemingly joining forces with a common enemy. After this, to fuel his evil schemes even more, he then enters the lottery and wins it. what does this mean for the world? well, the evil mastemrind tom is now a master at 4D Chess, being unchallenged even by the greatest masters of the british museum, pushing scott's ego even more... but then something goes terribly wrong, and crashes. Now, tom thinks this is a good thing, even initially celebrating that he his free from this extraterrestrial grasp, but in reality... he was never free, as he then repeats some of the insane ramlbings he did when he was under radiation, this time emphasising the L rather than the V. Fitting for where his character was going. In his defeat, he then showcases a piece of salmon he purchased to his friend, instructing him to "handle it". Afterwards, rats. rats everwhere. the shock of this downtreads the already bloody and beaten down tom, reflecting on how controversial rats are in the first place while being downtrodden by them, even considering how a human once at a flying machine in the middle of all of this, asphxiating himself from just the mere thought. This causes so much discourse in the already destroyed tom's brain, that it creates a robotic copy of him, which splits out and walks away. It took tom quite a while to realise, but he eventually found out that it was a splitting of both the forces of good and bad within him, the id and the superego splitting to form one person who was pure at heart. After such a revelation, and scott finally being free from everything, he blasts himself with air to get any excess demon juice off him, just incase. He even gets a job at apple, putting jackson seepage in his place. He then looks back at how he defused the bomb with that laser so long ago, before realising that the ability to do that was taken by that robotic splitting, rather unfortunately. He then repeats to himself the sentence "Round and round the rugged rock, the ragged rascal ran." And you should too. After this side quest, he then returns back to the stolen toasters from ages ago, guessing that they all won't come up at the same time, only to be proven very wrong. Then, after logging back onto the internet for the first time in so long, he apologises to everyone who once doubted him. Albeit in a bit of a money hungry way that doesn't sit well with everyone. After this interaction makes him think about his west foot and east foot, as you do, he then returned to an old friend for a rematch at speed jenga now that he was no longer... radiated. and he still hasn't improved that much. He then briefly considers returning back to his old dark side, almost blowing his friends house up with a cannon, but then he realises that this is exactly what the old tom would have done, stopping himself before he goes through with it. He then goes to sleep, installs windows in his dreams, and the screen projects his right hand winning the general election becoming the president. His silly side does still sometimes get the better of him after all. He then catches up with the old version of himself, now learning that it's a dead man. or at least most of a dead man. Quite the shocking turn of events indeed. This is so shocking to him that it even slightly influences the pure scott, causing him to brielfy become sexist while talking about bottles of water, but like the cannon, he quickly calms down once more. And as a safety precaution, he checks around his house for old salmon based explosives he planted around his house. Thankfully as he was great at disarming bombs from before, this was no trouble for tom. Although he did brielfy become a missile. we don't talk about that. But then, the bad tom comes back, as he then start providing an advertisment for a legal vpn, but as he was realising this was out of character, he then returned to look for the original robot corpse, seeing it was gone. He then very quickly realised something, by acknowledging how the robot was dead, it then became a part of his conscience, bringing him back to the same scott hewas such a long time ago. In "celebration", he goes to someone's house at 8PM, and flaps a sign in front of someone's wall. He then tries to go back to how he was before he started being evil, but it very obviously came off as fake, so he soon came to grips with all of this, and stopped. Not even isaac god damn newton could help him here. After so many mood swings, after so many shifts in personality, he then reflects one final time, apologising to his parents for getting this far, grappling with his influence in the "conspiracy", and after all of this ends FAR past his worst. But in the end, after all of this, and even reflecting on what he was "ready" for in the process. he learns... that everyone would quite like to go home. At least that's what i'm getting so far... come back to me on this.
Yep, those are some wise words.